Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
