yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
