So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
