I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
