just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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