I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
