I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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