I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
