dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
