i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
