I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
