Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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