Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
