Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
