i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
