She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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