too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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