Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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