Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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