i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
