If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
