he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
