the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
