i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
