I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
