So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
