Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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