I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
