The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
