this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
