elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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