Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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