Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
