If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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