Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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