I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
