sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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