Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
no, he came in my armpit
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
