The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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