My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't deserve a penis
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
