If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
