Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
