Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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