Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
