After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
