Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
