Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
