she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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