So drunk its hurt
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
