Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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