Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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